My Script - excercise 1

I'm currently reading "Girls Gone Mild" by Wendy Shalit. The entire concept of the book is basically about young women's (and girl's) hopes for love and emotional connection with men versus society's view that such hopes are impossible. I actually find it to be a very interesting read because I myself feel hopeless and wothless when it comes to guys. It seems like no male actually values me. As a matter of fact, my boyfriend hasn't called me all summer and before the break, he only wanted to get together to mess around in the forest. However, he is a decent guy. It's just so strange to see how what guys want and what girls want is so drastically different. While I do find "Girls Gone Mild" to be an excellent read, I am still kind of wondering if emotional connections with men are even possible since society has taught women that the only way to attract a man is to objectify themselves. It's really hard to point fingers in a situation like this, too. It's not right to blame the men, since we teach them how to treat us. At the same time, blaming the women is utterly ridiculous. All I know is, everything sure is mixed up.

I was brought by two people who dated since high school. My dad is a wonderful person who blushes at sexual jokes and refuses to use deragatory terms with anyone. Except for when he occasionally uses the word "skank". Even then, he still blushes. I think my mom is one of the luckiest people in the world, because that's rare in men. My mom is a little less shy of those things. She often brings up sexual matters. She comments to me on which of her co-workers she finds attractive. The told me about the time she gave a cuban dancer condoms as a gift. She is much more lax about such things. I tell my mother a lot about my own personal dating life as well as the physical aspect of it. Her reaction: "If you have sex, don't tell me. I don't want to know." She is also not afraid to voice her opinion that my boyfriend is using me. My parents do not expect me to have sex, however they probably suspect that me messing around with my boyfriend is extremely likely. Certaintly my mother who, like I previously mentioned, is already informed about the sexual area of my life. I would also like to say that in my family, I am the rebel. Whenever something goes wrong, I am accused. Usually the accusations are right. I am not expected to listen to what my parents say half the time. However, when it comes right down to it, my parents trust me. Hence their expectation that I would experiment with sexual things without actually having sex. Or oral. Ew. When it comes to drinking, my mom knows I would have a few drinks but doubts the possibility of me over-drinking. My dad on the other hand, doubts that an alcaholic beverage would ever pass through my lips except at family gatherings. As far as drugs are concerned, my parents would be shocked if I ever did any. On the whole, my parents expect me to be responsiable, but somewhat mischevious.

My friends have a similar opinion of me. Actually, maybe a less harsh one. Kayla, one of my best friends, always expects me to do slightly more than I've done. She predicted that I'd been down my boyfriend's pants about a month before we actually got to that stage in our relationship. Since most things happen slowly, since the ladder concept (one step at a time) is the most common, she is usually pretty accurate in predicting things. None of her guesses are too far out, just slightly out of reach. My other best friend, Eric, doesn't expect anything from me. Whatever I say goes, as far as drugs and alcahol are concerned. The only thing he doesn't approve of is how far I've been with my boyfriend; he believes guys and girls should get to know each other extremely well before engaging in sexual activities. However, he keeps his opinions about that stuff pretty quiet; he understands that my life is my own buisness. He also expects me to keep a cool head; he doesn't think I'll sleep with my boyfriend, drink too often or do drugs. My best friends do however make me feel the need to dress different than I would like, and to joke about sexual things more than I feel to be prudent.

You're probably wondering about my boyfriend's opinions. Well, as far as sex goes, he thinks it's all for fun. He rarely tells me he loves me. As a matter of fact, he told me that since we are only in highschool, our relationship isn't "serious". He's asked me to give him a blowjob before. He didn't push it when I said no, but he hasn't made plans to hang out with me since (and this was back in June!). He doesn't eat lunch with me, he doesn't call me on the phone. He only sees me when he feels like it. When we touch each other, he refers to it as "playing". I'm pretty sure he expects me to eventually sleep with him. On the topic of alcahol, he likes hearing about when I drink. He has told me several times that hearing about me drinking "turns [him] on". He wouldn't be surprised if I did drugs, but I don't think he cares if I do them one way or another. He doesn't care how I dress, but he doesn't like it when I braid my hair in several braids. That's about it with him.

Some of these expectations are liberating, others maddening. I think I have wonderful parents, and what they expect is reasonable and realistic. Sometimes I don't like the way they go about enforcing these expectations, but what kid does? My friend's expectations of me are not bad, but they do not exactly lift me up. It would be better for me if my friends assumed the best from me. My boyfriend's expectations hurt me. He doesn't seem to care about my well-being at all, simply my attraction factor.

I personally don't like the idea of sexual encounters in the least. It seems to me that the second a guy unzips his pants, it isn't about you and him being together anymore. It's about him getting what he wants; using you to obtain pleasure. All thoughts of true love are dismissed as silly and us girls pretend we don't care that all he wants is a hole to jerk off in. Sexual things make me feel worthless. The media is a terrible influence on this sort of thing. As far as alcahol goes, I don't like the idea of being drunk. I also don't like the idea of drinking on any kind of a regular basis. However, getting a buzz a couple of times a year is fun. As far as drugs go, they scare me. I see them as the worst and most appealing thing in the world. Therefore, I think I should keep away from them. Again, the media should stop promoting drug use.

I guess my ideas are a bit different than society's. But, not so different from hers. Or even his.