lonely

i am lonely.


help

I SAID THEM

natalia matt says:
hey

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
hey hows it goin?

natalia matt says:
pretty good actually

natalia matt says:
lots of new stuff happening

natalia matt says:
im moving

natalia matt says:
i quit my job

natalia matt says:
and nick jonas and miley cyrus got back together
lol

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
ohh sweet lol were r u moving too?

natalia matt says:
not out of bells corners

natalia matt says:
you know those bungalows over by where brittany used to live?

natalia matt says:
where kayla used to live years agoo

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
ohhh yeaaa the ones that are in kind of a circle?

natalia matt says:
yeah ...tanglewood

natalia matt says:
im number 6...right behind the wineary

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
ohh very nice very nice when is this move taking place?

natalia matt says:
umm the beginning of august ...and i finally get my own room haha

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
oh sick thats a nice neighbourhood too its more private

natalia matt says:
yeah ...although the neighbours are SO frickin nosy. they actually stood outside on the grass while we looked at the house

natalia matt says:
haha it was weird

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
ohh well thats kind of weird but at least the areas pretty peaceful and quiet lol

natalia matt says:
yeahh

natalia matt says:
have you ever seen the movie 'Little Manhatten'?

natalia matt says:
actually...forget that question lol that was just a lead in to something else

natalia matt says:
whaqt i really want to say is...

natalia matt says:
i miss you.

natalia matt says:
and i know that things will never be the same again. and that you have new friends now and are all into your drugs and whatever but...

natalia matt says:
i just miss you.
and i want you to know that.

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
yeeaa thanks iamm better though lol next year i plan to crack down completley to cuz it will kind of be my redemption year seeing as i was supposed to graduate this year and all

natalia matt says:
well, im glad you are trying and everything...it's hard when people are addicted to things because it effects all of the rest of their life. but you are a good person and i know it's hard (well..actually i dont, because im not you...but i do care about you) ...and im sure you'll pull throughh

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
thank u it means alot cuz it is hard but i think if i just take small steps and plan things out wellover the summer that i can have a successful next year

natalia matt says:
well, im sure you can..you are more intuitive than practically anybody that i know and you have a great personality. and personality gets people everywhere...and yeah small steps is the best thing. take it easy and dont overwhelm yourself...but you might also need to get help eventually.. because from what i've heard, addictions are an actual disease so it can be pretty hard to stop on your ownn

[e-r-i-c]G Its like the whole world is moving but your stuck, just like you keep sinking a little deeper and nobody even sees says:
yeaaa i know what u meen iam on my way out though soo i'll probably talk too u soon take care and i hope to here from u soon tell me about your moving lol bye

natalia matt says:
lol okay talk to you later. take care too

all of the little things left unsaid.

look.
there's something i gotta tell you.

i miss you.
and i know that things will never be the same again. and that you have new friends now and are all into your drugs and whatever but...

i just miss you.
and i want you to know that.

My Life in Ten Minutes

I am about to attempt to reenact my entire life story for you within the span of ten minutes. This will not be easy, because much of this information is personal and will be difficult to share. But, it also won't be very hard because all of this information did in fact happen and therefore, will be very easy to write about.

Once upon a time I was born at the Grace Hospital on October 19th, 1991. Like all babies, I was born with blue eyes. But for me, that colour never faded. I remained blue eyed forever.

I was my parent's first child, the oldest child of the family. But, I did end up with siblings. Three years after being born (well, more like two and a half, actually) I was introduced to Carla Marie Chiarelli, my younger sister. She was feisty, loud, annoying and...the best sister that anyone could ask for. Two years later, someone else tied with her for that title though. My youngest sibling, Veronica, was brought into the picture.

So basically, I came from a family of five. A nuclear, boring, ordinary family. But, I loved them. My mother was beautiful, my father was smart and my sisters were fun. Two parents, three children.

Then, we started to grow up.

Fights started happening. My mother started getting annoyed with my father. I guess that the honeymoon phase of their relationship was ending - not a surprise since they had been dating since they were fifteen. But, they stuck it out, worked through their issues, and....

Just joking. It actually didn't go that smoothly. They didn't break up or anything - never even considered it, actually. I remember my mom telling me that they would never get divorced in a billion years. He was her best friend, her true love, etc. But, that didn't stop them from fighting...and taking out their anger on me.

I'm not going to get into details or anything, but I will say that they were somewhat...mean.

So, I started distancing myself from the family a bit. I made new friends. One friend in particular was very important to me. Her name was Madelaine Faith George. She was my next door neighbour. Well, not next door exactly. More like a few houses over.

She was bossy, but fun. I was kind of her sidekick. We spent every waking second together. For most of the years of our childhood, anyway. We were inseparable. Until high school hit. Then, we went our separate ways. By that I mean, she went the drug route and I went...nowhere.

I literally had no one. My one friend that I did have in the ninth grade was Kelsea Harris. She was a very loyal and understanding friend, but we too drifted apart.

Then, I started to change. I became restless. I started looking for something different in my life. I was tired of after school activities, having a 90 average, and not having any real friends. I needed love. I needed self-expression. I needed Kayla, Becca, Eric and Matt.

So, I met them.

First, I met Becca. She was Kayla's sister, so she's actually the reason that I ended up meeting everybody else. I sat beside her on the bus home from school one particularly boring day, and I decided to turn my life around. I decided that I wasn't going to spend my spare time doing school work anymore. I decided that I was done pleasing people. I was ready to get to know the kids in my neighbourhood and make some real, long-lasting friends. So, I did. I invited Becca to a gymnastics competition I was going to after school and we've been friends ever since.

Through her, I got to know Kayla. Kayla was a real social butterfly and so, she introduced me to a lot of people. And one of those people was Eric Goodal.

Kayla and Eric became my best friends in the tenth grade. Eric Goodal, Kayla Cotnam and me, Natalia Chairelli made up the original three. We told each other everything. We made a solom promise to always be best friends, never keep anything from each other, and always put each other first, no matter what. That promise lasted for all of two minutes, but I loved those two more than anyone else in the world.

The reason that promise didn't really last was because I met Matt, and he came first pretty much as soon as I laid my eyes on him. He had to be mine, and I would stop at nothing. I had to get him. And I did. Obviously.

I fell in love with him within four months of dating him. Some might call that fast, but it wasn't. Trust me, I learned what loyalty was from my parents, who have literally dated since the middle of high school. I knew what I was talking about and I was in love and...he wasn't.

The first year of our relationship was incrediably rocky. Again, this is personal, so I won't get into details.

But, I will say that we hardly saw each other.

Eric on the other hand, I saw practically every day. And then, we fell in love. Again, I ask you to not jump to conclusions and assume that I am frivolous because I loved two guys within the span of one year. I really did, and I can honestly say that to this day I have never loved anyone but those two men, and I never will.

Anyway, we were in love. Eric Goodal and me, Natalia Chairelli. Two best friends who would never, ever admit their feelings to each other...until the day I met the devil.

Her name was Brittany Mullen, and she was Kayla's other best friend. You see, I wasn't the only one who ignored the origional three's promise. While I was out dating Matt, Kayla was out becoming best friends with Brittany Mullen. This girl was fun, nice and...a total witch.

I know it isn't nice to say stuff like that about someone, but it will all make sense to you in a minute.

Anyway, I started hanging out with her because Kayla was hanging out with her. For some reason, the fact that she was a crack addict didn't bother me. She had a nice personality, and I began to trust her. I started to trust her so much, in fact, that I decided to let her be the first to know about my feelings for Eric.

The first thing that she did upon hearing this news was get me drunk for the first and last time in my life. Under the influence, I promptly called Eric and told him how I felt about him. He said that he didn't feel the same way back.

But, let me tell you, this boy was a big fat liar. On several occasions he had partially kissed me (on the neck, putting things between his teeth and asking me to get them with my teeth, etc.) One time, we had a punching match in which we rolled around on my basement floor, and he bruised the shit out of me. I know that this probably makes no sense to you, but it was actually romantic.

Anyway, to make a long story short, a few weeks later, Brittany Mullen decided to steal Eric away from me. Brittany and Kayla had gotten into some sort of fight and I chose Kayla's side (obviously, since she was my best friend). Brittany did not take well to this, though. In fact, her exact words to me on the subject were "If you are not on my side, then you are in this now. And you are going to pay."

Within a week, Eric was doing drugs, making out with Brittany on the green electrical box outside of her house, and no longer my best friend.

So, I was alone again. But, not for long.

Because then, I met Matt again. But this time, I actually got to know him.

You see, I hadn't seen him for the entire summer going into grade eleven so I decided to dump him. But, within a few days, he found my online journal/blog. How he accomplished this actually still remains a mystery to me, since I write it under a fake name and have never given anyone the blog address. Anyway, after lots of serious internet stalking, he found it. On my blog he found terrible things, all written about him, about how badly our relationship had turned out and ...yeah. Stuff like that.

He felt bad, apologized, and became my best friend. Then, we decided to try dating again.

And now we are in love forever, about to live happily ever after.

THE END

EPILOGUE

I also became friends with Sajra and Hari Karabecovic (my cousins) and Jeremy Sanders (one of my best friends) in the twelvth grade. None of that fits in with the rest of my story since I finished it at the start of eleventh grade, but they would be very disappointed if they weren't mentioned,

<3 Love in a Poetry Box x

I think I love you
But I know I love you even
More than I think I do

And you love me too
I know you are never leavin'
I think I love you

We'll never be through
Heavy sighs I am heavin'
More than I think I do

Just at the thought of who
I would be grievin'
I think I love you

And I say "poo poo"
At the thought of decievin'
More than I think I do

To you, I will always be true
I'm still believin'
I think I love you
More than I think I do